Middle Pane

absurdism, philosophy, science, music


Remember what it is like

Sometimes it is hard to get back

To that idealized state

What we had pictured in our mind

What we wanted to attain

What we wanted to be

Maybe it is better to let that memory go

Forget what we wanted to be

What we wanted to feel like

If I know only one thing, it’s that everything that I see
Of the world outside is so inconceivable often I barely can speak
Yeah I’m tongue-tied and dizzy and I can’t keep it to myself
What good is it to sing helplessness blues, why should I wait for anyone else?

  • Fleet Foxes – Helplessness Blues

Continue reading “Untitled”


Helplessness Blues – Fleet Foxes

Release date: May 3, 2011

I was raised up believing I was somehow unique
Like a snowflake distinct among snowflakes, unique in each way you can see
And now after some thinking, I’d say I’d rather be
A functioning cog in some great machinery serving something beyond me

But I don’t, I don’t know what that will be
I’ll get back to you someday soon you will see

Continue reading “Helplessness Blues – Fleet Foxes”

Monotov’s Private Opera

Every moment of your life
Is a chance to get it right
Any moment you’ve been living in
You could turn it on like a light
All the weight of the years
Has got me burstin’ into tears
Standin’ here with nothin’
I stand alone inside my fears

Like an atom reveals a deeper state
Well I swear for me tonight
It’s not too late

To tell you baby
It’s you and only you and no one else
And I’ll mean it
Even when I’m talking to myself
I said maybe, it’s you and only you and no one else

How I miss Moscow
Those people really know
How to have a good time
In a mixed up state of mind
And Monotov’s Private Opera is closed
So I guess I’ll go home now
Cause there’s no where’s else to go

And I will tell you baby
It’s you and only you and no one else
And I will mean it
Even when I’m talking to myself
I said baby, it’s you and only you and no one else
You and no one else

Now I’m stuck inside a poem
And then I’m walkin by myself
In the dark, all alone
And these actors and dramatists
They won’t send me home

Well, maybe I’m like my father
Strung out on something or another
Held to a standard
We were always sinking under
And maybe I’m like my mother
She shattered cause no one loved her
Maybe I, Maybe I am like no other

And some moments are more real than the books I’ve read
And a good woman, maybe she meant what she said
Cause to feel you now ya know, it goes straight to my head

So I’ll tell you baby
It’s you and only you and no one else
And I will mean it, even when I’m talkin’ to myself
I said baby, it’s you and only you and no one else
Talkin’ to myself
Talkin’ to myself

And everything changed in a day
And I know another one on the way
And I’ll tell you
Everything changed in a day
And I know another one is on the way


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Welcome All Things

There comes a time when a man must stand on his own

Face his demons


He must ignore external influences

And distractions


He must listen to his inner self

And then he must listen to the silence


Whatever has brought me to this point

Must be thrown away


Whatever plans I have for the future

Must be set aside


I accept the tasks in front of me

They are mine

Work in Progress

The weekend comes.  I am returning from a trip out of town that day, and we planned to drop our sons off at my parents that night.  It is around 8 when we leave my parents and start the drive to Nashville.  It is a 6+ hour drive, and I plan to stop half-way. While my wife drives, I try to find an affordable hotel, but all I can find is America’s Best, which I figure is a lower end hotel, but still decent since I get it through Priceline.

We get there and the place is disgusting.  They cannot find the reservation at first.  When they finally do, all that is available is a smoking room.  I say whatever since it is late.  We go to the room and there are bugs crawling around.  My wife pulls back the covers and sees a bug.  I don’t know what to do at this point since we paid for it.  I was dead tired and almost willing to sleep there, but my wife would not.  She looked up another hotel on her phone, and we went to the front desk.  I told them that I would not stay there because there were bugs everywhere.  He refunded the money and we left.  Even as I type this, I feel phantom bugs crawling in my hair.

We started to drive around to hotels and start seeing signs that they are full.  What I didn’t event think about is that due to Hurricane Andrew coming to the east coast, all hotel rooms in the area are taken.  The only thing I can think to do is start driving west since rooms should start to become available the closer that I get to Nashville.  We stop at a Super 8 in a city 10 miles out.  When we pulled up the guy was asleep in the lobby playing video games.  I think he was embarrassed, but he offered me a cup of coffee.  He then offers to call a few hotels further west.  He was super nice and I thank him.  He said that we don’t always get a chance to stand in the light.  I liked that.  He finds a place and we are on our way.

We arrive and take a shower.

Earlier in the week I had downloaded SG’s new book on my Kindle and had been reading it.  in the morning I am reminded of the ashram in Tennessee.  I ask my wife if she would mind going and she says yes.  She is so great.  Some of the following is from my email correspondence.  The full email is at the end.

It was amazing to see the structures and hear about the campus.  They gave us a tour and we saw the large meditation hall and the abode of yoga which is a tribute to Adiyogi, the first yogi.  The energy of the place was great and I sat in the abode and gave a water offering,

I seriously contemplated staying there overnight, but we had hotel reservations paid for and I think my wife was getting tired and restless at the end.  We did the Isha Kriya meditation that was basically the video on YouTube and we meditated in the Abode of Yoga.  The volunteers there were very nice.  We interacted with Archina to give us the tour and Jim at the abode.  They both live on campus.

Isha and Sadhguru (part 3) And Now Yoga

Previous Post: Isha and Sadhguru (part 2) Amma

The email correspondence becomes one-sided for almost 2 months.  I wonder if I have offended Jaggi by my searches since this pins the location to India (but the domain of the email address is Canada).  I continue to send emails to document my journey, and continue to look at SG.  I find there is a local Inner Engineering course near me in a few weeks.  I contemplate going, but make excuses for time and dollar commitment.  I could have made it happen, but I didn’t.  I decide to look more at his videos and I find a series called “And Now Yoga“.  I start looking at the different sessions and trying to do one of them a day in the morning.

Continue reading “Isha and Sadhguru (part 3) And Now Yoga”

Isha and Sadhguru (part 2) Amma

Previous Post: Isha and Sadhguru (part 1) Guru Positioning System

I email my new friend that I think that some of my hesitation with IE was that I was afraid that if I followed SG I would need to leave my family and friends.   Silly thoughts, but those are ones I had at the time.  This was new to me, and I was wary of what was happening.

Continue reading “Isha and Sadhguru (part 2) Amma”

Isha and Sadhguru (part 1) Guru Positioning System

A few months ago I was contacted by someone on asking me about my experience with Isha and Sadhguru.  I did ask if it is OK if I shared the correspondence, and they said OK, but not to use their name or email.  For ease of reference, I will call my friend Jaggi.

I still get a ton of hits every day on the original post “I am not the body. I am not even the mind“.  If you Google that, my page comes up before Isha’s own pages.

Continue reading “Isha and Sadhguru (part 1) Guru Positioning System”

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