Middle Pane

absurdism, philosophy, science, music


August 2013

Eels – Last Stop: This Town

HOLY SYNCHRONICITY BATMAN!!!  E (or Mark Oliver Everett) is the son of none other than Hugh Everett III the originator of the many worlds interpretation of quantum theory.  I did not know that.  The song struck me today as I was reminiscing through the Eels greatest hits on Spotify.  Often deep and dark I identified with the Eels music and felt attachment to the emotion conveyed in songs pertaining to being an outsider and dealing with loss.  This song represented a shift in tone in Electro Shock Blues where E dealt with the suicide of his sister and death of his mother.

E was part of a 2007 documentary where he interviewed some of his father’s old colleagues and journeyed across the US to learn about the father he never knew.

Wow.  Good find!

I Am The Sky These Are Only Clouds

Tired of reading

Tired of writing

Tired of seeking

Answers without questions

Too much

I am no longer seeking a way

I am seeking my people

There is nothing that can describe my journey

I even lack the words

I give up

I give in

I am done

Did Buddha feel frustrated?

He tried so many things

He sat for so long

He deprived himself

And there it was

Was it not there before?

Or did he just not give up?

Only on giving up did he gain everything

And how much of that was illusion?

Translations upon translations

Yet I sit here at the source

It is what it is

Energies colliding



Particles being exchanged

Patterns maintained and then vanishing

I choose to see things differently

I choose to see things how they are

And still I sit

I am here on the floor

Aware of my body

Aware of my tiredness

Aware that I am aware

Keyboard at the tip of my fingers

Recording what I choose to record

Reality suffers from my fingers

This post goes on

You stopped reading a long time ago

Or you skipped down to here

If reality is of my own making, why am I making it like this?

Again, I give up

The song “I surrender all” courses through my head

Or at least pieces of it

There is truth in everything

If it is all of my own making, how can there not be truth in everything

If there is truth, are there also lies?

Can truth exist without lies?

What is in between truth and lies?


Locusts churring through the forest at night

Where is the goddamn bull?

Auspicious connections

Go forward without fear

Cultivate the flower

It is a process

Stop expecting enlightenment at every turn


To be freed from pain is all I ask now

Fuck enlightenment

It is overrated

There is only one moment in this life when I will receive true enlightenment

When that comes

I will no longer be here

Thoughts come and go

Feelings come and go

To deny them is to cling to them

Think them

Feel them

Watch them go

I scream this is it

This is not it

That is not my pain

That is my pain

The dis-identification is the identification

Let it wash through

Everything is impermanent

Nothing lasts

Take your time here and make the best of it

Make it as beautiful as you can

Then ball it up and throw it away

One day the sun will explode

The universe will expand until infinity

Or it will collapse upon itself

Heading towards maximum entropy

There will be nothing left

There will be everything

What a fucking ride

What a fucking dance

Beyond billions of unique expressions

Tightly wound and loosely coupled

Independent connected expressions

The beauty of the dance is different when seen from the 1st row

Versus the billionth row

Up close we see only a few dancers

But from far away we see the dance





Continue reading “I Am The Sky These Are Only Clouds”

Karmic Fuel

Driving home I realize that I need gas.  I have to go to work in the morning and what I have left in the tank will not get me there, it will barely get me home.  It has been a long day and the last thing that I want to do is divert out of my well tread path and into a crowded gas station to breathe noxious fumes.   I would rather go home, put my feet up, relax for a bit.  However, I know that if I do not get gas now, I am shifting that need to in the morning.  Doing this will throw off my morning routine causing me to need to get up earlier or rush to get the fuel I need to make it to work.  On an oversimplified, micro-scale, this is how I think karma works.

An early Asher gas station.
An early Asher gas station. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Are dreams and life just an illusion?

In this Q&A Sadhguru discusses the connection between thoughts and emotion.  Emotion is thought, just a juicy one that is delayed.  Thought can be immediate, but emotion can take days, weeks, months,… to change.  However, they are both thought.

Do we exist because we think or do we think because we exist?  All of our experience of this existence is through thought.  That is all we know.  If we are reliant on thought and emotion for our experience then Sadhguru indicates that it is just a projection, and very much a dream.  Our true nature is not thought.

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Patience is not something that comes naturally to me.  Patience in thought.  Patience in action.  Patience in anything.  Even in starting to write this post, I am anxious to get whatever thoughts I have down on the screen before they are fully developed.  Patience requires me to slow down and even stop when what I want to do is hit the gas.  I am so eager to get there or through a situation that I sometimes miss some of the scenery alongside the road.  I am so eager to breakthrough that I may have actually missed what it was I intended to accomplish.

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More meta-physical blatherings

Here is a bit of found zen.  Do choices matter**?  Intent seems to play a role.  If I do something out of love, does the result of my choice make a difference?  No matter the outcome, I have learned something and I have moved further down my path.

St. Augustine of Hippo (354– 430AD) said “Love, and do what thou wilt.” An old pagan proverb also echoed this in saying, “An ye harm none, do what thou wilt”, which oddly enough, found its way into the dubious hands of English occultist Aleister Crowley who stated “do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law”. This might seem a little too open-ended for many, perhaps even an invitation to hedonism, but the idea is that it makes you contemplate a reality where there are no laws except love and freewill. What would occur? Total freedom, or total chaos? Good or bad? Depends on the quality of consciousness.

– Neil Kramer – One Dream, Many Awakenings

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What does silence sound like?

Sounds arise out of and fall back into silence, but what is silence?  It seems that there is always noise.  Noise arising out of and falling back into noise.  A dog barking against a constant background of chirping crickets.  The barking arises out of silence.  The cricket chirping arises out of silence, but where is silence?  Is silence the absence of noise?  Or is silence inner stillness where there is no such thing as sound?

If you shut your eyes, and contemplate reality only with your ears, you will find there is a background of silence, and all sounds are coming out of it. They start out of silence. If you close your eyes, and just listen, you will observe the sounds came out of nothing, floated off, and off, stopped being a sonic echo, and became a memory, which is another kind of echo. It is very simple; it all begins now, and therefore it is spontaneous.

It All Begins Now – Alan Watts

Continue reading “What does silence sound like?”

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